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Supporting someone who is grieving

What to say, what to skip, practical help and staying in touch after the funeral.

27 items · 6 sections · wellbeing, mental-health, grief, family

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Get help now (2)

  • They talk about not wanting to live? Stay with them and get helpUS: call or text 988. India: Tele-MANAS 14416 or 1-800-891-4416. UK and Ireland: Samaritans 116 123.Open
  • In immediate danger? Call your emergency number

Say something (6)

  • Saying nothing is often what hurts most
  • "I am so sorry. I am here." is enough
  • Use the person's name, and share a kind memory
  • Follow their lead: they may want to talk, or not at all
  • A repeated story? Listen warmly to it again
  • If you upset them, say sorry simply

Try not to (5)

  • Say "they are in a better place" or "it was a good age"
  • Change the subject when they talk about the person
  • Press them to talk, or ask many probing questions
  • Tell them how they should feel, or when to move on
  • Take anger personally

Offer real help (6)

  • Offer something specific, rather than "let me know"
  • Bring a meal or do the shopping
  • Help with the school run, pets or phone calls
  • Help with papers and funeral tasks, if they want you to
  • Not sure? Ask what would help today
  • Keep every promise you make

Stay in touch (5)

  • Check in after the funeral, when many feel most alone
  • Send a text that needs no reply
  • Invite them for a coffee or a walk, and sit quietly together
  • Note birthdays and anniversaries, and get in touch on those days
  • Suggest something at harder times, such as weekends and evenings

More support (3)

  • Share grief support, if they want itUK: Cruse, or Marie Curie 0800 090 2309.Open
  • Worried they are not coping for a long time? Gently suggest their doctor
  • Look after yourself too. It can be tiring

Written from www.mariecurie.org.uk

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